Dear Elliott

I don't know if I'm going to do much today but maybe sleep some more. All thanks to Elliott going psycho again last night. Elliott is a white rat with ambitions to rule the world, or at least this Ferret Kingdom. There wasn't any blood this time but so much fluffing up, running away and eeking that I split the cage again into its two halves. If he could read, I would send Elliott the following message:

"Elliott, you are getting really close to a snip. Everybody is annoyed with you, particularly me and even your brother Vernon, who gets exiled with you because solitary confinement would make you loopier than you are. The human is tired and p'd off on a public holiday. The vet is open tomorrow. Watch yourself!"

The Zen of Lawn Mowing

I've just mowed my front lawn. Had intended just to clip the shaggiest bits, now that the council's lawnmower has been through to do edges - meaning a metre off the front of my lawn. Neighbour across the way saw and kindly offered loan of Real Lawnmower. I used to think the fuel-driven kind were less work than the manual, but not now! What they do is a much more efficient job for your sweat, but since I am fairly inexperienced and keep getting myself in a position where I have to swing the thing around, trying not to go into reverse, which you can do with a manual just fine, I feel as though I'd been flinging its entire weight around the lawn.

Stopping and starting. First time I halted it to empty the tray worked ok; was able to start the motor after a couple of tries. Second time, now that arm was more closely resembling a noodle after the abovementioned swinging, no, not going to happen. Well, at least most of it was cut and I fetched the manual to go over the Mohawk-like strip I'd managed to leave behind.

That's exercise. Good side is I don't feel so tired and pissed off at life. Endorphins win. I don't feel all exhilarated like long distance runners, this is lawn-mowing, but yeah, better. Downside, don't think I'll be travelling to the river to meet up with Rob 'n Leece and whoever. That would mean more exercise...