Invasion of the English

[rattfan]

Just talked to M, not my favourite thing, but not the worst that could happen. M tells me that two of the English rellies are planning a visit next February. These are the cousin of the cousin I stay in touch with (so, yes, also my cousin, their fathers were my uncles) and her husband. I last met them, let's see, a mere 27 years ago when I visited England.

They won't exactly be here to visit us; they're meeting a cruise ship in Fremantle to go on a trip to New Zealand. Australia is kind of an afterthought, it seems :-) So yes, we'll be able to meet them briefly, which to be honest is probably all I can take. If I take it at all. It's occurred to me that M is probably still not going to use my current name or acknowledge any changes at all, despite the stress she helped put me through last year, so it will be up to me to stand my ground and make things clear. Doing this on the spot probably not a good idea, so I'll have to get in contact on my own and try to explain.

Or should I just suck it up? Folk with more in the way of families, dysfunctional or otherwise, what would you suggest? It's only going to be three days.

My first courageous thought was simply to flee the state next summer. Oh boy, they're going to love the weather.

Comments

[jaelle-n-gilla.livejournal.com]

I would go with my gut feeling. There are so many factors to take into consideration (or there would be for me). Like - how much do I trust that person to be able to deal with it? Would it be easier for him to know it in advance or would it be also ok if you told him when seeing him nonchalantly over the dinner table? Can YOU handle the emotional impact when family is around? Will you be alone with them or with the whole crew? I could go on forever.

I think, do what you feel is right. You changed. So what? You are still the same person and if he likes you, he'll deal with it. Probably a lot better than M ever did.

The easiest way is probably to write him a thoughtful email, like, hey, I'm looking forward to seeing you next year. Just so you are not caught between the millstones, I underwent the following changes... M is not happy about it and keeps ignoring them. I hope you are fine with it as it means a lot to me. See you soon! Your truly...

While I would probably chose to drop it casually over coffee, I know that my best friend had a lot of trouble telling *me* that she felt transgender and she *knew* I wouldn't mind or think any different of her than I've done all the time. So it's a matter of gut feeling and only you can judge that. :-) *hugs*

[ratfan.livejournal.com]

I have no idea how they'll deal, really, since it's been half my life since I saw them. I can only go by the knowledge that my uncle was very conservative, aunt likewise, and my cousin's husband is a police inspector. That's about all I know. I guess I'll figure it out somewhere along the line. I wish it was the cousin I know who's travelling over; she already knows. :-)

[merilune.livejournal.com]

If I were you I'd probably flee the state but my family can be quite painful. Whatever you choose, it is going to be brief but you don't want to get caught up thinking over it all later on. It's a tough position for you to be in.

You have some time to think it over, which is good. A shame that M won't back you up.

Maybe talk to cousin that you know? They might be able to give some advice about cousin who is coming over.

[ratfan.livejournal.com]

Well, on dysfunctional families...it's not all this side of the ocean. Many years ago my uncles feuded in relation to my granddad's estate (house). So now their two families live in the same city (Leicester) and as far as I know they don't see each other.

So my cousins are likely to know less about one another than I do :-) When I manage to snag the email address of the ones coming over, I might explain. Or not.

[gillpolack.livejournal.com]

Finally I catch up on LJ. Flee the State. My spare bed is at your disposal and I'm pretty sure there are exhibits you need to see. And you do need to check up on me and make sure I'm thriving, post-operation.

[ratfan.livejournal.com]

Absolutely I do. Thanks much. I'll see how things are going closer to that date. It happens after the end of the year, which is a foggy and insubstantial realm to me right now.