Small Fiddly Things

[rattfan]

I’m trying to think what I’ve been doing the past couple of weeks.  It feels like lots of minor things have needed doing and as soon as I do them, more pop up.  We had another really warm day today, after quite a bit of chilly weather, so that was good.  It got to 34^C.

Parental Wrangling again on Saturday.  I’ve got M accustomed to me showing up every other week but it’s still a pain.  The train trip, depending on how long I have to wait for them, takes between 45 minutes to an hour each way.  So showing up to water M’s plants, collect bills, bring forgotten supplies and whatever else can well take the whole afternoon. 

I’m trying to be firmer about not letting things drag on – thanks Noel [past therapist] for at least getting that through my head.  His theme was that someone else’s happiness is not my responsibility.  From that, of course, I go to the theme that I’m the person responsible for mine.

Having to do things for a parent, of course, isn’t unusual for anybody between the ages of say 40 and 60, some elders with more difficult medical conditions than M, who is just difficult full stop.  I think it’s payback for all that pre toilet-training time, though in fairness it’s not like I asked for the deal.

I’ve had an eye test with the regular optician, who was gratifyingly enthusiastic about my results.  I never ‘passed’ an eye test before.  I still need computer glasses, that mid-range where the over the counter reading glasses don’t quite measure up and it’s not far enough for distance vision to be any use.  At least I’m reusing frames and these are less expensive than they were before the op, for sure.  Beila, the optician, told me about the horrors of South African cataract surgery when she was starting out.  Honest to God, I thought that stuff was back in the 19^th century.  I got it so easy.

We have managed to run gaming three weeks in a row, one of which was the roleplaying game that we haven’t got to all year, almost.  Next week we didn’t have everyone so we played Cards Against Humanity and this week we only had Mikeal, Stephen and me so we played Lord of the Fries.  We are officially too old to sit on the floor, or at least to get up off said floor without contortions and groaning.  Stephen and I had to agree that we’re also past eating the sodium-laden takeaway feasts of our youth!

None of us have done much that takes us off our well worn tracks between home and work this fortnight.  Mikeal at least has the prospects of a holiday to ancestral home in Lithuania next year.  He’ll be staying with family members who have an honest to God WWII bunker that they’ve stocked up with supplies just in case Lithuania’s large and aggressive neighbour has any ambitions in their direction.

I’ve been reading about the importance of having a Third Place;  a social setting that’s not one’s home or workplace, where you can relax and be yourself and I don’t think I’ve had one for awhile.  So much got taken away during the plague.  Conventions cancelled.  Masks and paranoia.  Gaming didn’t run or went virtual and that didn’t work for me at all.  Getting together with the gamers is definitely a third place for me and it feels like we're only now getting back to what we're pleased to call normal.

In WA we didn’t have much lockdown – three shortish bursts – but with so much closed, there wasn’t really anywhere much to go if you did go out.  I don’t think things have recovered from that.  I’m trying to think of how I can improve things.  Mostly I’m just hanging out for the end of the year and the long break and the hope things will improve.

Next time I want to write about the Vampire Knitting Club and the excellent necromancer superhero series I just read.  When I don’t even like superheroes.  Don’t worry, they weren’t in the same books.

Comments

[ganimede]

I've not had a place that's not work or home for years. It's worse now that I don't have a workplace so I'm in the house all day every day unless I'm going to the supermarket or taking mum to appointments. I used to go to several conventions each year so I really miss those. Most of them were still cancelled this year although a few were back on but I'm still not comfortable doing indoor stuff so I missed them. Same with going to the cinema, that's something I'm missing out on. I don't know how long it will be before I feel like I can start doing those kinds of things again.

I'm intrigued by the books!

[mific]

My third place is definitely online, which is probably against the rules, but whatever. Mostly fandom stuff, but also friends here on DW. Looking forward to nearing about the books.

[rattfan]

I think the Internet has changed the original rules!

I mean, when I read DW posts and get into replying to them, I go somewhere else in my mind that's better than pure mundanity. And I communicate with folks who definitely aren't from work or related to me [that I don't have any choice about]. I used to read a lot of Callahans Place posts and that was definitely a third place. Except that my envisioned Place has comfortable armchairs rather than bar stools and tea and coffee rather than booze.

[siyamau]

"It feels like lots of minor things have needed doing and as soon as I do them, more pop up."
I know that feeling.

Also hell yes to not being responsible for anyone else's happiness. I'm only just learning this myself.

And yeah to the Third Place too. I'm also only just realising the extent to which the pandemic really fucked me up. Worst experience of my life (and that's saying something) I'm only just managing to get back to myself a little bit now and that's after some heavy therapy. I am glad things are settling for you as well.